Are you always losing things… like me?

Have you ever lost something?

Something of major value?

Something that could cause a financial problem or could mean a major fight with your spouse?

Maybe you lost the receipt to the brand new laptop you bought that doesn’t work.

Or lost the car keys for the 10th time this week and you’re already running late to work.

Or… my favorite… you’ve locked the keys in your car and have to wait for someone to bring you a spare (I did that 4 times in a week).

I lost some important receipts today and although I’m stressed out, I would like to stop for a minute and tell you how I get through these trying moments.

The Self-hate

I searched in my purse (where they should’ve been), in the couches, under the couches, behind the tv, and in the toy bin in case my son took it.

As I’m searching, the freight train of curse words starts forming in my head towards myself.

“How could you be so stupid?”

“How could you forget where they were?”

“Why didn’t you put them somewhere safer? You knew they were important!”

I go on like this, on and on, until a void is created within me and I just want to fall in it.

I go from thinking that I’m stupid to feeling it. Every bit of self esteem I worked hard to build all day has dissipated from all of my mental and emotional abuse.

I really hate losing things. Like really hate it. Especially something as important as receipts or keys.

And I hate myself even more when I lose things. More than usual.

Is this something you go through, too?

We all go through it

If you have a mental health disorder, you know that memory is short. We struggle with thinking things all the way through, which leaves room for many errors when getting to the end of a task.

I find when my anxiety is the highest, and the overthinking begins, it replaces the normal function of my brain and memory is just out of the question.

What’s worse is when I do remember what I forgot, realizing it’s too late, it only adds to my anxiety! What a catch 22!

I try hard to give myself grace on most days, but losing things just make me… lose it.

However, I’m working through all of those negative emotions towards myself. It takes practice and time, but it is definitely possible to work towards changing.

The steps to a changing mindset

First, I need to forgive myself. 

I am human and like all humans, I mess up. I make fallible mistakes.Flaws in others are acceptable, but I hold myself to a standard of perfection. It just isn’t fair. I should be allowed room for error.

Second, most problems have a solution.

I need to get logical about the problem and instead of melting into my head like that, I need to get straight to the solution.

I’m sure some stores have policies about missing receipts and I’m sure some will even reprint it. Cool. I can breathe a bit.

On the mornings when my keys are no where to be found, I simply make sure to notify my job or my date that I’m going to be late. Then at least they are aware of the situation and I’m not feeling overly anxious about them possibly getting upset because I’m late.


I mean… not perfect. But that’s totally ok. I’m finding solutions instead of the self-abuse.

Third, I’m learning that there’s more to me than the things I lose.

I actually had an awesome day filled with moments of laughter with my daughter and chasing my son down for a tickle fight.

I also had a great day at work despite how stressful teaching gets sometimes.

I also remembered to take all my stomach ulcer meds (gross) and feed myself.

I’ll take the wins where I can get them!

And yes… I lost something important today. But it was a thing that can either be fixed or replaced. But I can’t fix or replace my soul within me. I have to be kind to me even when I’m actively screwing up.

UPDATE: Found out I didn’t even need those receipts! Woot Woot!

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This Post Has 29 Comments

  1. Meilifisayo

    Good post and I will definitely bare all of this in mind from now on

    1. StellaB

      Thank you I hope it helps!

  2. Vanessa

    Very interesting post, we often start some sort of negative self-talk because we forgot something… Thanks for sharing!

    1. StellaB

      The self-talk is the first thing that needs taming! Once we master that, we elevate our entire self!

  3. Cait

    Omg all the time ha these are great tips to help someone like me out ha! Can’t wait to share too!

    1. StellaB

      Thank you so much I appreciate it!

  4. Ashli Ferguson

    Yes – forgiving ourselves needs to be the first step but it’s also the hardest!

    1. StellaB

      Oh my goodness tell me about it. Especially when you do something nuts! Self-forgiveness is key to more than just this… but tons of other internal fights. I hope you found this helpful!

  5. sudipa

    Very good post.Yes first we need to stop blaming ourselves

  6. Ozella

    Yes, I agree most problems do have a solution. I choose to see the positive in everything.

  7. The Nail Trip

    I thought it was a very interesting post. I love being outdoors, and it always helps.
    Good day!!

  8. Bai-Leigh

    haha I love this!! I know a lot of people that could benefit from this article.

    1. StellaB

      Please send it their way!

  9. Michael

    Thanks for reminding me that everything has a solution. Sometimes te situation overclouds the mind

  10. Arun Dahiya

    Thank you for this reminder. I struggle with brain fog due to fibromyalgia and I forget things often. It’s imp in such case not to self hate.

    1. StellaB

      I’m sorry about your condition… and self-hate is a place of comfort for me. But we are human and should be allowed to make mistakes! I hope you can find some peace.

  11. Alexandra Cook

    Great post. Sometimes we forget that we ourselves are the most precious of all. If we won’t value ourselves no one else can. People really need to stay positive.

  12. Joseph Abimbola

    I love that phrase – there’s more to me than the things I lose. Thanks for that incredible reminder.

    1. StellaB

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!

  13. I’ve lost a few valuable items here and there, mostly because of my forgetfulness. I wasn’t like this when I was in my 20’s. Age must really be catching up on me.

    1. StellaB

      I’m actually 29… are you saying I’m getting old??? Haha!

  14. Nandita

    I like your attitude towards change – it’s tough but certainly possible. A little self-compassion and positivity can go a long way in helping us change for the better…way to go girl!
    – Nandita

    1. StellaB

      Thank you Nandita!

  15. Samar

    I will completely agree with the fact about the self hate and negative thoughts.

    Very well thought and very well written.

  16. Lieze Neven

    I literally CONSTANTLY lose stuff! I once found my phone in the fridge!!!! I am trying to be better but it is hard haha. I think i will be taking up your advice and just forgive myself.

    1. StellaB

      Haha! I’ve been there! Just so absent minded sometimes. But have mercy on you! You’re only human!

  17. Joanna

    I don’t often loose things, I just forget and that means I need to return. But good advice. I actually need to separate my car keys, just in case I ever leave one in the car by mistake.

    1. StellaB

      At one point, I had 5 copies hidden all over my house haha! That was before keys had that little sensor in them. Now I have to keep my one expensive key and pray I don’t lose it!

  18. Melissa

    Great post! It is definitely important to forgive ourselves and move on.

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